Week two

So it's week two on my meds. Last week I took only a half pill at a time and it seemed to work pretty well. I took one half twice a day so that I could ease into them. They worked really well and I got a lot done on them but they didn't seem to last very long which I guess is pretty expected since it's such a small dosage. Over the weekend I was at Sooner Con working on panels and networking while trying to get a little bit of work done for my layout job. I didn't really need them but I tried them on Friday and decided to not take them the rest of the weekend since I didn't need them to focus and don't particularly enjoy how fuzzy I get after they wear off.

This week I kept forgetting to take them until today and I took a whole pill instead of just half of one. It's worn off now and the only side effect so far has been dry mouth which I hate because I drink a lot of water and it won't go away even after drinking three pints of water... I guess it isn't as bad as the fuzzy feeling even though it is annoying... I do have noticed that I need to be mindful of my eating otherwise I seem to not notice that I've forgotten to eat which isn't ok but from talking to some friends seems to be completely normal. 

Hoping that I can kick out this ten page paper out in two days... I've been ignoring it a bit...

I'll try to keep updating as I get used to the meds. I'm thinking about starting up a vlog for updates too...

Me at Sooner Con this last weekend.

At last!!!

So Yesterday was my first Psychologist appointment. Her and my therapist were in agreement that it was probably best that I try meds especially since I had a history of ADHD and have been on Concerta before. She asked me questions about myself and past visits to therapists and brought up my 'depressed' stage of life when I had a lot of deaths in the family and around me so that was a little awkward but I haven't shown anything similar since early college when my hormones began to settle down. We also talked about her Lynx cats that she had pictures of in her office.

Anyways, after the round of questions she prescribed me a low dose of Adderall  to take as needed. I took half of the pill to start out with this morning and started to work on homework. It helped a bit to just not make my brain think about a thousand things at once which was refreshing. After about 3.5 hours my head got fuzzy and I felt like I needed a nice nap which after talking to my best friend I guess that meant it was wearing off. So I realised it was lunch time and had lunch with a water and took the other half to continue working. After the second dose wore off around dinner I was almost done with homework but not fully finished so I was a little frustrated but decided I could finish it on my own. Granted it took the rest of the day to finish when it might have been done quicker other wise... I have another round of homework and a quiz tomorrow to do as well as some layout work to do so I'll get to test it out again. I'm hoping that I'll get used to the part where it wears off cause that's a bit of a bummer when it happens... Maybe they can put me on a slow release during the school year...

Oh and I found my keys while on my meds today... They've been missing since Sunday.

A work in progress for a commission that I'm working on.

Finally progress

Ok ok. So it's summer and I haven't posted much because of that since not much is really going on. I've been working on freelance work and struggling on getting one piece finished because of distractions which include a summer course.

Good news though! I've managed to get an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 24th! Apparently my paperwork came in a few weeks ago but no one thought to tell my therapist so that she could refer me to their psychiatrist. I am sooo relieved that something might actually happen before the end of the summer... If something doesn't I might cry. I managed to get 4 B's, 1 A, and 1 S. This is much lower than my normal average of mostly A's.

Sometimes I feel like I am screaming for help on a busy street but everyone is deaf... Not sure if this is the norm or not...

School is out

School is now out for the summer so I'm free right? No not really... Still no updates from the office about my paperwork. To top the lack of papers most of my summer is self motivated I don't get any class credit and I might not get paid to start putting a 500+ piece collection back together, documenting it, and beginning the preservation process, which is very frustrating. I'm starting to write grant proposals and put paperwork together so we can get the money to do all of this... Hopefully. 

Overall though things are fine I guess I'm still getting distracted by things that I don't necessarily need to do when there are more important things that I probably should do but I guess thats how the ball rolls in this court. 

I will be at SoonerCon 23 this year in Midwest City doing some costuming panels which should be super fun to do. Being on costuming panels means that I need to work up some cash to work on some rather swank costumes though so I look like I know what the hell I'm doing. So for that I got an illustration commission I'm doing and painting a face-up on a lady's doll which I'm slightly nervous about. 

Oh and I'm also looking into grad schools right now for Costume/fashion History. Yay! 

This is me working on the vintage/antique collection.

Spring time

Not too much from the usual has been going on as of late. I've been getting things done and worked on fairly on time and haven't missed any classes. I've forgotten some things and put off others but all in all I'm doing fairly well... I haven't gotten any updates as far as getting my papers in since I'd have to call during a break that isn't lunch, which those breaks don't really exist for me... But whatever. Allergies are my main concern right now since they made me sleep from 10:15 PM yesterday till 2:00PM today... So my overall day is cut more than in half since I typically wake up at 8 AM.

I was hoping to sew myself a 1930's dress to wear for a scene but since I slept for so long I just went to goodwill and bought a cheap dress that was a similar shape. Oh well we live and learn I suppose...

My spending has been a little wonky since I kept eating out for lunches and dinners but now I've gotten some food that I can easily cook and PB&J so I can have a lazy lunch.

Why my drafting class will be the death of my GPA

Last night I finished my drafting project at 10:30 which I figured was a great time to finish, get home, and go to bed. I woke up this morning and saw my petrified piece of wood on my desk and remembered that I have a friggin geology test which I forgot because I would like to get a B in drafting which is my minimum grade for most of my classes, if that is even possible to get seeing as most of the drafting class hasn't gotten anything higher than a C on their projects. I feel so sick to my stomach that I wasn't able to remember my geology test! I had it written own too!

• Drafting takes precedence over other classes and work to the professor
• No Clear Instructions
• Grading system is based on his mood and if your drawing looks pretty
• No realistic timeline(maybe in the real world)
• Lab is the only place to work on it which is only open 8AM-5PM and only two people have a key and only one is in our class. 
• Late late nights are spent in the lab by others who simply copy other's work who finished it first. 
• Copy cats tend to get better grades than the ones who free handed it. 

I've also been falling behind in Acting class because of drafting. It's all my scene partner can focus on right now since his grandmother has been so sick and died over the weekend so we have had absolutely no time to go over our script and practice. 

I want to cry right now My GPA is slipping so bad right now since so few of my classes are actually applicable to my major right now. 

Predicted results(With optimism)

Geology- B

Character Study- C

Drafting- C

Lighting Design- B

Adv. Costume Construction- A

Special Studies- A

With that Result I might  be able to get a 3.0 when I typically get a 3.5 which is between a B+ and A- GPA and 3.0 is a solid B which would bring my over all down. 

Predicted results(Without optimism)

Geology- C

Character Study- D

Drafting- D

Lighting Design- C

Adv. Costume Construction- A <---Already know my grade

Special Studies- A <--Already know my grade

With those results I'd have a... 2.47. I think I would start sobbing at that point... I haven't had that low of a GPA since I was in Middle School...

Quick update

It has been a while since I updated and I am sorry for that I have been crazy busy these last few weeks. I had spring break, a conference, and then had to catch up on homework. So it has been crazy.

Update on psychiatrist stuff: I called back over spring break to make an appointment with one of the higher rated psychiatrist offices. Well they were closed. I called again this week(I was in Fort Worth last week) and they said they would call me back. Three days later I haven't gotten a call... I am a bit angry about it. So I got a new list from my therapist/coach on friday and I will call them on Monday I am so tired of this spinning around. I also found out on Friday that the old office I was requesting documents from (submitted the paper work 2 months ago) didn't receive it! UGH! I'm so frustrated with this...

My therapist keeps pushing me towards meds now because there is literally only so much that I can do with coping mechanisms but my mind is always out of whack so I can't even slow down my brain enough to do them now. Things that used to work don't any more like keeping a planner. I want to try the meds to see if they help but the last time I took medication it made me feel awful and pass out. At the time I was using Concerta so I know I shouldn't take that. If anything similar or any major mood changes happen I will continue to not take medications.

Someone help me. T_T

Spring break

Last week was spring break... Probably the best worst week I've had. Of course I had stuff that I needed to do and I also chose to work but most of the time it was very apparent that I just wanted to laze around all week. It kind of makes me feel awful because I got so little done when I had a good doable list that I wanted to finish but... it didn't happen. It's kind of sad to be honest but I can't change that now. I have school today and tomorrow then I go off to USITT, the apartment inspectors are coming sometime this week and my room is a mess, I haven't finished one of my illustrations for USITT that should have been done ages ago, and I have a vest and tunic that I want to do some hand embroidery on but I only got the tunic sewn together. The good print shop was closed last week too so I couldn't push myself to get the illustration(which is really a simple colouring at this point)finished by wednesday. I hate being so disappointed with myself but thats the way that it goes really...

I tried getting an appointment with a psychiatrist but their office was closed for spring break. I'm so annoyed that it isn't funny at all. It's like life doesn't want me to get help and makes me just want to stick with therapy/coaching but my therapist said that she would recommend medications for me. Still waiting on that paperwork too... So who knows when that will actually get here it's been 40 days now and they legally have 60 days max to get it to us.

Photo credit: Myself

Post Production

So the show is closed now and I am exhausted still. Last night I participated in Arts! Arts! Arts! and it was lots of fun. It was so exciting I got to listen to Betty Buckley practice while I set up the mannequins for the gala. We got boxed dinners after we got everyone dressed but missed cocktail hour which I was a touch sad about. That morning I had forgotten that I was helping with that so I was completely un prepared yesterday and I had to miss class so that I could get my homework finished that was due this morning. I had to finish working on it later that day too which got finished but not until 2:30 AM then I took a shower and went to bed. Either my alarm or my body decided that I didn't need to wake up at 6:30 and I ended up waking up to my 7:30 alarm that tells me I need to leave for class. I was so frustrated and swiftly got up and ready and got there on time. I did forget my rough draft for one of the drawings which was a  bit frustrating but I was tired and flustered so I let it slide.

My midterms  were last week which I thought I did pretty well in I think. I did get at C on my geology test which I'm glad for. It was a bit harder than the last one but it was fine and I'm fine with the grade that I got on the exam.

I have my appointment on Friday which I'm a bit nervous about since I've been everywhere on the scale lately.. I also have been having a lot of issues with impulsive buying which is difficult for me to manage but I'm hoping I can get that managed again even if that means I have to start carrying cash again. Part of the issue is that I love eating out especially when I am super busy since most of the foods that are good for me to eat take preparation.

Oh! My best friend did come this weekend and it was so much fun we had a blast and I got to show her a small snippet of where I live which was super fun and she got to see my show.

This is us. :D 

~Elizabeth S.

What a week

So it was midterms this week and I've had to get a bunch of stuff done this week since it was also dress rehearsal and opening week. The show opened fine and everything I got my midterms over with lines memorized and all that fun stuff. I still have lots to do though...

Today was interesting. I did my scene and did really well went to the shop and got invited to go out for lunch but I'd have to skip a class that I don't get credit for and isn't actually 'required', so I skipped it... I am way too impulsive... Hopefully I can get that under control cause it's really hard on my bank account... No one said anything about me not going to the class so I don't think it was a huge deal... 

When I went to my actual class we were given a fun assignment of making bum pads for the next show. I know how to make them. ish. so I went full force since we had to get them done by 4:30 but that didn't happen and I was even the fastest at it... I really don't know why they put crazy expectations on us like that sometimes... It's not like it was just a 1 hour project. Plus they started us 30 minutes late and gave us our last piece to cut out and sew 30-40 minutes before 4:30... It really wasn't a fair deal but I hope that I don't get counted off for that... Oh well.. I can finish it another day even if I have to come in early or something. 

In fun news though my best friend is coming to town tomorrow. She has ADHD too so life is going to be interesting this weekend! :D WHOOP! 

Here is a picture of one of my designs. Thank you Mandy Richards for the Photo. 

Set Design by Jon Young, Lighting Design by Kirk Fitzgerald 

Oh yeah and still waiting for the call... I have an appointment next week though so maybe I'll find out more info next week?

~Elizabeth

The show will go on

So after two snow days canceling first and second dress for Alcina and a cold kicking my butt with, coughing(my poor roomates), fever, and over all weakness, first/third dress went wonderfully. There are a few issues that we have to discuss with props and some makeup notes but overall it's going really well. Everyone loves the costumes and I think they are looking really well. I have this weird feeling like I didn't design them but not in the way that the show isn't true to my design because it is. It's just this odd detached feeling that I get sometimes about things since I'm used to being a fine artist and really I see the show as being a whole piece instead of just 'oh theres MY costumes' I'm looking at everything the costume, set, lights, everything.

Dealing with all of these pressures of being a designer is really hard on me emotionally and mentally just trying to process it and constantly feeling like I'm making people unhappy especially since I've been given several nasty looks just yesterday from people and it really gets to you especially when they are short with you or say things in front of others that makes you look like an awful person.


Oh well though I suppose... The show goes up tomorrow night and my hands are basically off besides going to the reception and going to see it with friends and family.

Waiting

Not really too much going on on the ADHD front right now besides the usual. I got my homework done put it up on the board critiqued it took it down to hand in to the professor and what did I do? I put it in my bag to take home.... What? Thank god my professor remembered that I had done it on time... Ugh. I'm waiting to hear from the office for word on if my paperwork has come in which should be soon but they have at least 30 days which seems like forever to me right now. 

In other news I'm sick while on the last leg of my design project. Grrr... I'm hoping that it doesn't turn into bronchitis like it typically does... but oh well... We are nearly at dress rehearsals I just hope that I don't fall asleep during them next week even the 4 hours I was on campus today wiped me out... I got two thirty minute naps in today though which is nice...

I think part of my issue with not feeling well is since I've been so busy I haven't exactly been eating the best which makes my impulses 10x worse. D: So my 'oh crap I wasn't able to pack my lunch today so I'm going to go get food turns into 'oh lets just do that for dinner too'. Luckily I haven't gone over my budget for the month yet but I'm pretty dang close! Blah! 

OH! I keep making bows too and they are really cute. If you want to see some more I typically post them up on my instagram 'sewingartist' is my username so look me up!

Oh and my room is a mess again... whoo.. so there is no update picture on that last post... Oops. Maybe next week after my three tests and my show opens?

Slipping

Whelp So it's now Thursday... 11 days to first dress... 14 days to Opening night. Three tests, two assignments, and 8 costumes to build during the next 2 weeks. PLEASE HELP ME!

Here's how the last week has gone so far though.
Yesterday I was given back my test from my acting class which went over actors, word of the day(is this now english too?), plays, and one of the books that we read. I got a whopping 44% on the quiz. it was a 30 question QUIZ. Thats a TEST. Anyways I was blamed for not paying attention and not spending enough time memorizing the material...

This morning I was given back my dimensions assignment from my drafting professor... I got a 65% on that one... Because... -drumroll- I wasn't paying attention. Apparently he want's it to be graduate level work or something too though. Yea I didn't really take the time that I should have(even though I worked on these for 3.5 hours), but I got everything labeled that needed to be labeled and in a way that was legible. I got a 4/5 on my lettering that I didn't use guides for so there was at least some saving grace on that part. It's really silly to expect gold from people who have never done drafting before and it is completely unrelated to their major. Please tell me the reason that I have to take drafting for costume design. I understand History of Decor, Scenic Design, Lighting Design, and all of the labs that we have to do in the different areas but Drafting? I don't get it at all. It's helpful in understanding the job that others do but that's really where the line stopped for me in understanding why I have to take this class. Trust me this class is no less important to me than any of my other classes I just don't GET it.

If this is how this semester is going with me designing a show I don't think that I will add my art minor... I might instead just focus on my main classes and finish the one art history course for my Art History Minor...

UGH. I'm really not sure what more I can do to get the help that I need...

This is one of the costumes that we are making for Alcina:

Designed by Myself.

Show stuff

I got an exciting few weeks ahead of me with the opera going up in a few week's time with everything going on in my classes. 

Luckily for me on that drafting homework that I submitted late wasn't counted a letter grade down even though it would have only been a C grade but now I have a B so that's great! I also got my drafting test back and got a B on that as well which is fantastic for not studying at all. 

I did clean my room but I forgot to take after pictures hopefully I can get those up later tonight once I get home after doing a few more things for my show and after  geology lab. I'm a little upset right now with how some of my peers in the shop have been reacting to us having more work calls since my cutter draper wasn't able to work on the show until last friday due to the other cutter draper getting overwhelmed by the size of the show that we just put up. So it is getting kind of crazy around here. I've already picked up a few of my old bad habits to keep me calm and focused which I'm a little ashamed of. One of which being smoking. I don't smoke much but I like one sometimes because it gives me a good excuse to take 5 minutes off without having someone question why I need a few minutes to myself. 

Bleh. Anyways I'm trying to be more organized too I got my Drafting homework finished early so I can hopefully start on the next assignment a little earlier since I'll be busy. I also have a big project due on the 6th and a test that is also on the 6th of March which is opening night but I hope that I can plan my life accordingly between then and now. 

~Elizabeth S. 

ADHD Diet Image

I made this a few weeks ago but I finally saved it in jpg format to post it.

This does not mean that this is ALL that you eat. Just what should be included into your diet. You can do a heck of a lot with a little though. I usually get tofu, chicken, avocados, fruit, seaweed, and sweet potatoes every week plus a few other things like almond milk and walnuts. I try to stay away from eating breads and candies but trust me I still do I downed an entire box of Lemon Heads this morning and have cookies that my mom made me that are staring me in the face. Eeep!

Room update: Desk is clean, trash taken out, laundry is getting washed and I'm starting to hang up clean clothes that were on the floor. I got several medium sized plastic baskets that I got at Dollar Tree and a little drawer thing to hold tacks and things. I'll post a picture once it's done.

~Elizabeth

Therapy #2

So yesterday I met with my therapist. It was an hour long session and we talked about what has been going on. We talked about management strategies that I already use and how I can improve on them. One of the main things was getting organized so that I can locate my things, then we talked about making lists for each day and setting a specific time and place to do my homework. She also thinks that I need to get on medication but we have to get my paperwork from the place that had diagnosed me before she can refer me to a psychiatrist so I'll have to wait till they get that in, which should be a few weeks but my next appointment isn't until the 14th of March which is after my show goes up.

I'm going to work on all of this today as well as my lighting project today since the mechanic said that they were too busy to replace my belt today(ugh). And my mom gave me a $15 gift card yesterday to hobby lobby so I can probably go pick up a few cute baskets for my room and some cute scrap book paper to label them with. She got onto me when she saw my room. I mean I'm the one who lives in it so it's not like she has to see it but my bathroom was at least alright. I know it looks awful but I haven't had any time.

Last night I decided I would start small and clean my bathroom and make my bed which looks great I had forgotten I cleaned my bathroom though so that was a bit of a surprise this morning... I have all of my hair accessories at the top of my mirror now so I can just reach up and grab one instead of searching for them.

Here is my bathroom right now(wearing my heart shirt for v-day)

And this is my room right now... D: Don't judge me too much... 

Most of the stuff at the very bottom is my trash that I am taking out today though so there is that...

Oh and here is a picture of that drafting homework. This was the easy part.

~Elizabeth

Why am I so early?

I got to school about an hour ago(8AM) and I don't have class until 9:30 though. I knew I got out early because I needed to go to CVS to get candy for my scene in acting class but getting on campus is a little too early... So why am I so early? 

Luckily 40 minutes till class I remembered that I needed to print off my Award winner assignment. Which is Edward Gorey one of my favourite illustrators!! So I ran to the printing lab and printed it off. the 7¢ grey scale printer was out so I had to use the 35¢ colour one even though my paper and pictures are all in grey scale.... Oh well... 

I have my lines memorised now though!!!

Pulling it together

I got very little sleep last night due to working late(11PM) and having to do homework. Tonight I got out normal time (5PM) but I had lab till 8PM. I've been working on drafting and attempting to memorize lines for a scene that i have to preform tomorrow. Memorizing lines is so hard right now since I have so much to do and remember right now so it's a struggle to get things in my head. Luckily I know the sorter ones pretty well just the longer ones are difficult.

I'm starting to get nervous about friday too... I don't know what to expect and how much therapy will help...

Breakfast- walnuts & chocolate chips apple grape juice
Lunch- turkey, carrots, strawberries, black berries, & mushrooms.
Snack- chocolate, lemon cake slice(edit:I forgot about the cake)
Dinner- spicy tuna avocado sushi roll, Sweet potato, butter.

I might start putting down Food since it can be a huge impact on my day.

Crashing down.

Right now I feel like my life is spiraling out of my control. I can't grasp the idea of a project that is 3 plates that are 18x24 each and I can only work on it weekdays 8AM- 7PM... with 33 blocks of math each and they all take somewhere between 15- 30  minutes for each box. So thats around 8.25-16.5 hours to just do the boxes not even including the actual layout of the plates...
It was due at 8AM this morning and I can't really get a proper extension since I can't get help yet from the learning center... I should be able to get it done by Thursday morning...

Drafting is hard and the requirements is completely unreasonable... We only had 1 1/2 weeks to do this project while everyone was finishing up Drowsy Chaperone; I was completing my design assignment since we start the build on that at the end of this week and getting my portfolio ready for today. I really don't know how time got away from me but I also do know... I need help... and bad cause I know I'm a good student and I hate myself for not getting things done on time.

This is a common view of mine in the shop. You can see Robert at his cutting table.

Being gifted sucks.

Just being honest from my point of view.

Being gifted with talent or intelligence is the worst. I'm constantly running in first while others try and trip me up like it's some kind of sick competition. I'm wonderfully gifted at art but I hate admitting that to my peers because I know for a fact that it is true. Some of them hadn't even heard of a colour wheel till they took a drawing and rendering class in college. I was shocked to be honest since they had boasted about their skill. I've tried to hide mine but once they see they are devastated and loose their own confidence... That's the worst part... Without me doing anything but allow them to glance or look at my sketch book pages I have destroyed someone's ego and caused them to think they will never succeed. It hurts my soul to see it, some hide it behind praise for how great my hand is but I can still see the pain in their eyes.
The same goes with fixing things in the shop or sewing. I can be given the same project at the same time and finish it before the other person is half done and it is generally as close to perfect as it can be... I hate it. I work hard and that is all I strive to get things done so I can move onto the next thing.

Yesterday was no different... I was caught in the cycle I had to present my designs for the opera Alcina that we are working on... I feel disgusted with myself seeing the defeated look of 20 people all at once. It hurts. I sped through my presentation partially because of this and partially due to my 20 minutes getting cut to 10. Mortified. I got praise and I also got looks of distain as I walked out. This is also a graduate level project not a first design assignment for an undergrad...

Today I was given a complicated project that after the fact I was told was something they normally would have given to one of the professional shop staff but they were too busy with other builds... All that time I thought that I was working way too slow but the jacket looked like it had been to the professional tailor so I guess I did well...

 Ugh. 

Tuesday I have a portfolio review at 12:30 with the painting professor to tack on an Art minor to go with my Art History minor. I might overwork myself a little too much... Oops. 18 hours for both of my final semesters for undergrad? Don't mind if I do. 

This is one of the many gem's from my portfolio.

Appointment with therapist on the 14th... Valentines day... ugh. 

~Elizabeth

My intro

I've struggled with ADHD/ADD symptoms since I was 10 I was diagnosed around the age of 12 and put on Concerta they upped my dosage way too quickly(72mg!!) and I began to get awful side effects and passed out in class. Needless to say at 12 that scared me out of medicine of any kind for several years. To this day I am still weary of taking medications but much better.
Through the rest of Middle School and High School I managed my ADHD symptoms through keeping active with ballet and drawing. I've always been a gifted artist so that was my primary way of drawing me back in and settling me down or keeping my hands busy while a teacher talked. I was always getting into trouble for making my sketch book out but a few teachers understood once I explained why I had to do it. When they would take it away I would just space out or I would sit there and fidget till I drove my class mates nuts.

 I'm a bit of a geek and can't decide on a haircolour.

Now I'm in my 4th year of college and my symptoms have been becoming unmanageable. I fidget, stare off, forget to do my readings, forget to buy books, get distracted by a new project at work when I haven't finished the last one yet. My work isn't exactly the most ADHD/ADD friendly.. I work in theatre. Its a world where you give your soul to a production, it runs for a week then it's taken to the dry cleaners and hung on metal hangers till someone else wants to put it on an actor. It's so quick paced which I enjoy because you go from one thing to the next but occasionally I'll get three different jobs at once and I'll get so confused on what needs to be done first. I get into trouble for that a lot...

Since my symptoms have becoming unmanageable I have been trying to eat healthier, workout when I have time, and schedule myself. I am currently eating a semi-paleo diet and I don't eat dairy. I've been doing a little better but it's hard to eat extremely healthy on a student budget especially when you have social friends who don't have dietary restrictions. I'm also starting to see a therapist at the school medical center for my symptoms and talking about whether or not medication is a good option for me. I guess for now what I'm doing will work but the anxiety that my symptoms cause is almost debilitating.

 This is one of the theaters that I work in for school 

And this is one of my pieces of digital art. (1hour drawing)

Till next time! 

~Elizabeth S.